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If the bird does not return倘若鸟儿未飞还

时间:2015-07-17 09:51 来源:未知 作者:admin 阅读:次


Charles saw them both at the same time: a small white bird and the girl wheeling down the walk. The bird glided downward and rested in the grass; the girl directed the chair smoothly along the sunlit, shadowy walk. She stopped to watch the ducks on the pond and when she shoved the wheels again, Charles stood up. "May I push you?" he called, running across the grass to her. The white bird flew to the top of a tree.

 It was mostly he who talked and he seemed afraid to stop for fear she'd ask him to leave her by herself. Nothing in her face had supported the idea of helplessness conveyed by the wheelchair, and he knew that his assistance was not viewed as a favor. He asked the cause of her handicap.

"It was an automobile accident when I was 12," Amy explained.

They went for lunch, and he would have felt awkward except that she knew completely how to take care of herself.

"Do you live with someone?" he asked the next day when they met.

"Just myself," she answered. Asking the question made him feel uneasy because of his own loneliness even though he was hoping for this answer.

He came to like to feel the white handles in his grasp, to walk between the two white-rimmed metal wheels. And he grew almost more familiar with the slight wave at the back of her hair than with her eyes or her mouth. Once, he said to the wave at the back of her hair, "I hope I'm the only chair-pusher in your life," but she had only smiled a little and her eyes had admitted nothing.

She cooked dinner for him once in June. He expected her to be proud of her ability to do everything from her seat in the wheelchair—and was faintly disappointed to see that she would not feel pride at what was, for her, simply a matter of course. He watched his own hand pick up the salt shaker and place it on one of the higher unused shelves, and awaited her plea for assistance. He didn't know why he'd done it, but the look in her eyes made him realize how cruel his prank was. To make her forget what he'd done, he told her about the little white bird in the park.

"I've seen it, too," she said. "I read a poem once about a little white bird that came to rest on a windowsill and the lady who lived in the house began to put out food for it. Soon the lady fell in love, but it was a mismatched love. Every day the little bird came to the window and the lady put out food. When the love affair was over, the little white bird never returned, but the woman went on putting out the crumbs every day for years and the wind just blew them away."


In July he took her boating frequently. The most awkward event, she felt, was getting in and out of the boat. For Charles, however, these "freight handlings," as she came to call it, seemed to be the highlight of the outings. In the boat she felt helpless, unable to move around, sitting in one spot. Also, she was unable to swim, should the boat turn over. Charles didn't observe her discomfort; she did note how much he enjoyed being in control. When he called for her one day in early August, she refused to.

They would, instead, she said, go for a walk in which she would move herself by the strength of her own arms and he would walk beside her.

翻译:


查尔斯是在同一时刻看到他们俩的:一只白色的小鸟和坐着轮椅沿着小径悠然而来的女孩。小鸟滑翔而下,栖息在草地上;女孩则平稳地驾着轮椅,穿行在阳光下婆娑的树影之间。她停下来看了看池塘里的鸭子,当她再次用手推动轮椅时,查尔斯一下子站了起来。“我来推你好吗?”他一边喊道,一边穿过草地朝她奔去。那只小鸟嗖地飞上了树梢。

大部分时间都是他在喋喋不休,他似乎害怕话一停,她就会请他离开,好让她独自呆着。从她的脸上看不出有任何缘于轮椅的无助表情,因而他知道,他的帮助并没有被看作是一种恩惠。他问起她致残的原因。

“我12岁那年出了一场车祸,”艾米解释说。

他们一起去吃午餐。幸好她能完全照料自己,不然他可就尴尬了。

“你和什么人住在一起吗?”第二天见面时他问。

“就我自己,”她答道。尽管他希望得到这样一个答案,但是问这个问题仍然让他有些不安,因为他自己也过得很孤独。

他开始喜欢把轮椅的白色手柄握在手里的感觉,喜欢在那两只镶有白边的金属轮子中间推车行走。他对她披在身后的、微微起伏的长发愈加熟悉,几乎超过了对她的眼睛和嘴唇的熟悉程度。有一次,他对着她波浪一般起伏的长发说:“真希望我是你生命中惟一为你推轮椅的人。”但她只是莞尔一笑,眼里没有任何表示。

6月里,她曾为他烧过一顿晚餐。她坐在轮椅上样样事情都能做,他以为她会为此而自豪的,但她仅仅把这视为一件理所当然的事,并无自豪感可言。发现这一点后,他不免有些怅然若失。他望着自己的手拿起盐瓶,把它放到一块较高的、不常用的碗柜搁板上,然后等着她请求帮助。他不明白自己为什么要这样做,但她的眼神让他意识到,他的恶作剧有多么残酷。为了让她忘掉他刚才的蠢行,他跟她谈起了公园里的那只小白鸟。

“我也看见了,”她说。“我曾经读过一首诗,诗中的小白鸟经常飞来栖息在一户人家的窗台上,女主人开始拿出食物喂它。很快,女主人便爱上了这只鸟儿,可这场爱恋并不般配。小鸟每天飞到窗前,女主人便每天捧出食物。恋情结束之后,小白鸟一去不返,可女主人连着几年日复一日地把面包屑放到窗台上,任风把它们吹走。”

7月里,他时常带她去划船。最令她感到不自在的是只能由查尔斯把她抱上抱下,她称之为“货物装卸”。但对查尔斯而言,那样的时刻仿佛就是他们户外活动的最精彩部分。她在船上感到很无助,只能坐在一个地方,没法四处活动。而且如果翻船,她可不会游泳。查尔斯对她的不安不予体察。她却发现了他是多么喜欢控制别人。8月初的一天,他来喊她去划船,她说什么也不肯去。

她建议他们不妨出去散散步,这样她可以凭自己的臂力推动自己,他则可以走在她身边。


 

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